Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
