Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
