I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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