Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
