You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
