This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
