Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
