You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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