My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
