i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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