And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
