I could have mohawked her pubes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
