oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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