I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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