those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
