I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
