You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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