I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
