dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
