Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
