I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
