Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
