Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
