Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
