just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He? As in you personified your dick?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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