"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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