I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
