I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
