i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
