last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
