worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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