do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
