If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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