If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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