id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
