I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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