I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
