I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
