I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
