First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My liver just had a heart attack.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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