My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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