Im at strip club and am horny
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
