Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
