I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
