She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
