addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
