I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
