Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
