I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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