Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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